i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
