its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
