Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
