Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
