I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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