if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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