when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
