You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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