Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
