i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
