i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Someone shit on the floor
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
