She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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