New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
