No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You are the jesus of drinking
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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