My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
