Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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