After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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