i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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