i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i need some magic done to my vagina
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
