I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
