I wish I could punch you in the face.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
