Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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