i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
