I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
