I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
