Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
