I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Two words: blizzard sex
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
