I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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