Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
