Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
