You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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