oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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