Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
