Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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