turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
