i just wanna soil my oats bro
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
