i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
home. puking in laundry basket.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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