so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Randomize
