doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
