he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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