Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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