the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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