There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
