Where did you get a picture of my penis
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Randomize
