WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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