would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Drunk is not a location!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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