Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
