yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
