All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
