i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
