also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
