There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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