How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
