1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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