found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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