Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
