I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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