I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize