You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Randomize
