the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
