dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
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