all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver just had a heart attack.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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