No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Dating After Heartbreak
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My butt remains clenched, sir.