Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(704): View more from North Carolina

the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?

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(206): View more from Washington

Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.

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(626): View more from California

Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.

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(404): View more from Georgia

hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away

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(256): View more from Alabama

Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.

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(586): View more from Michigan

Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?

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(804): View more from Virginia

Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.

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