Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
