so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?