How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
