So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
