I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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