he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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