ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
