So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
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I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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