it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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