We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
