you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
