Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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