Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
