is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
