Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
