I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
