I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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