my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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