I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
