why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
